WHY YOU RODE THE PIE?

"Act It Out" was a Christian talk show aimed primarily at teenagers and young adults. It was shown Saturday nights at 11:30 on Cox Cable (channel 40) between 1993-95. As the title implies, (pre-recorded) skits were used to guide viewers from sin to salvation. Each program's opening credits pictured a girl running away from home. While walking "the streets," she is confronted by a group of up-to-no-good kids. They attempt to steal the girl's purse and chase her into a dark alley. Suddenly, a large and scary gentleman with a Jerri-Curl appears. His name is Alfonzo, and all of the kids are obviously intimidated by his presence. Troublemakers are gone in a flash, but the girl remains (leaning on a fence and gripped with fear). Does he want her purse? Does he want her? Amazingly, Alfonzo offers a blanket and a shoulder to cry on. Tears are wiped away. They talk things over coffee at a two-bit diner and he convinces the girl to go back home, where her parents are waiting with open arms. Before he speeds off in a Porsche 924, Alfonzo and the girl exchange goodbyes. The car is evidence that he is not only in touch with God, but also with DMV authorities. The Porsche has decals from '88, while the license plate reads ACT IT OUT (8 letters instead of the maximum 7). Guess being chosen does have its advantages!

One of which was hosting "Act It Out" -- a position where Alfonzo excelled. Adopting a "You can be Christian AND be cool" approach, the show pushed the envelope further than most. Comments from Alfonzo like, "I'm gonna jackslap you," "Why you this way?" (to a homosexual guest), and "You ball?" (he asked that of nearly everybody), in addition to dated El Debarge and Fat Boys references, showed "Act It Out" formed comedic angles that even Letterman had never protracted. Dr. Miller, the show's resident psychologist and second banana (not just because he wore the same damn yellow sweater every week), must've had a hard time getting his P.H.D. His answer to any proposed question was invariably, "Because the Bible says so." The equally omniscient audience was responsible for brilliant statements like, "God didn't create Adam and Steve," "He O.D.-ed on alcohol," "I from E.C. Glass," and "Why you rode the pie?" (For those not fluent in Pig Ebonics, that last interrogatory can be translated, "Why do you ride the pine?" in jock-talk; "Why do you sit on the bench?" in plain English.). "Act It Out" had Jerry Falwell's stamp-of-approval and showed him in self-promotional spots extolling the virtues of Liberty University. "We have a fantastic... coliseum," and "Baseball... coached by... former New York Yankee great Bobby Richardson" were the two main hooks.

This "Act It Out" viewer has two inquiries for Rev. Falwell, Dr. Miller, and Alfonzo: 1) Who the hell is Bobby Richardson and 2) Did he rode the pie?