1)Bill's Flea Market -- Virginia Beach Blvd, Virginia Beach, VAFormerly FX, an electronic merchandiser that competed with Circuit City and Luskin's until the early-90's, this Ridley Scott answer to "Sanford And Son" has left the futuristic-yet-dated design untouched. The leftover red-and-white-lettered sign boldly streaks amongst blue-painted glass and caged bars, giving the appearance of a "Blade Runner" sequel that never left the cutting room or a bad album cover from when New Wave overstayed its welcome. Inside the tightly spaced station, Earthlings peddle wares ranging from "You Wear Your X, And I'll Wear Mine" T-shirts, African-themed headgear, overpriced LPs, adult videos, and even a yacht modeled from RC cans. In keeping with its sci-fi-meets-junk-shop aura, the escalator at Bill's entrance no longer has a moving track.
2)Carlos Murphy's Sign -- N. Military Hwy., Norfolk, VA
Outlasting a Phar-Mor discount drug location, an across-the-way Wendy's, the anchor store of its Best Square Shopping Center namesake, and even the once-popular family grill/sports bar itself, this fixture (colored in a Miami Dolphins scheme and joined by shades of rusty brown) is the sole reminder of a thriving Military Circle section before the domino effect of urban blight would cause many neighboring businesses to throw in their towels. My mother and a co-worker ate there in 1987, ordering house salads. Mom, who's never much cared for Mexican dishes, was displeased with the guacamole in her bed of lettuce and tomatoes. She should've gone to Dave Thomas' place -- his casa was more like her casa. Sister Shawn drank several margaritas at CM's circa 1994. Muy bueno, considering she was only 18 y/o at the time. Regarding Murphy: Did black 'n' tans consist of Guinness and Corona? The restaurant closed soon after mi hermana's visit, but the towering landmark is threatening to outlive Carlos Murphy's proper by a decade.
3)Charlie-O Van -- various locations, Virginia Beach, VA
In between airings of "Inspector Gadget" and "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe" on WTVZ-33 around 1983-84 were advertisements for homemade soda kits. Though the announcer's soothing voice went down like Pepto, Charlie-O aggressively pitched its easy-to-make beverages (available in traditional, orange, cherry, etc.), and those thirsting received home delivery of the products via the company's Chevy vans. The D.I.Y. soda movement lasted only a couple years in southeastern Virginia, but seeing the lone red, white, and grey GM vehicle still registered in the Commonwealth makes me want to forgo Coke and Pepsi in favor of producing my own carbonated refreshments. Would somebody please pass me the cocaine?
4)Food Mart -- Indian Lakes Blvd., Virginia Beach, VA
Perhaps this convenience store was a Getty gas 'n' go in an earlier form, but no traces of name-branding or unleaded pumps suggest once-instant recognition. Besides the generic handle, Food Mart is located within the boundaries of a housing development. No other merchants are found for almost a mile in any direction (the adjacent Classy Cuts has been vacated for months). Next time your car stalls while making the turn onto Pleasant Valley Rd., be sure to pick up a cashier-created twelve-pack of St. Ides, ten oatmeal pies, five Lotto South scratch-offs, two porno grab bags, and one pair of scissors. Then call your true love and ask her to give you a ride home.
5)Golden Skillet -- Victory Blvd., Portsmouth, VA
The Mobil gas station where I stole firecrackers and trapped myself in the bathroom? Gone. The Burger King which served Brian's favorite breakfast sandwich (the Yumbo)? Kaputz. The Earle's supermarket where Mike got sick after eating a five-fingered wad of Red Man chew? History. The Academy Park (later renamed Fairwood Homes) housing tract which provided our family with a crawlspace unfit for a snapping turtle? Demolished. Much has changed around Victory since the late-70's, but this small take-out specializing in crispy fried chicken hasn't flipped its calendar in 24 years. Same yellow sign, same lettered font, same drab look -- my two aforementioned brothers and I can't vouch for an intact clucker recipe or if lemon-scented towelettes are still substituted for napkins, but here's to the Skillet continuing to fry like my mother's put-to-death Cradock High School classmate.
6)The Pickle Garage -- Thrasher Rd., Chesapeake, VA
Many people view Chesapeake as a calm place filled with the creature comforts of a larger city. Indeed, there are malls, golf courses, bookstores, steakhouses, and fancy clothing retailers. However, the presence of NASCAR, Skynyrd, Big Johnson T-shirts, John Deere hats, and uncut front yards still looms large. If Portsmouth were to win the lottery, it would very much resemble Chesapeake. Nowhere is its essence captured than at this detour off Volvo Parkway. Housed among a pool table that also functions as an entertainment center/work bench, two rusted-out bicycles with flat tires, fourteen pairs of unlaced sneakers, and one relic of a lawnmower are dozens of pickle jars containing the once-edibles. From sweet to sour, round to flat, crunchy to chewy -- all varieties that would've flavored a blue-ribbon-winning chicken salad at the Jubilee show their colors (which are obscured by a murky, Dismal Swamp-looking water base). When asked why the garage's owners collect such unusual items, tour guide Chris simply shrugged his shoulders and invited me to play Trivial Pursuit. My partner wore paint-stained garb and flashed a bottle of Jim Beam that he pulled between dice rolls. During a particularly tough question involving a Broadway show, the dude removed himself from his Sherwin Williams seat and went outside to vomit. Then he returned and gave the correct answer. It was "Cats." His dill-igence paid off, as we won the game.
7)Santa's House -- Frederick Blvd., Portsmouth, VA
One of few remnants (thru April '03) from the razed MidCity Shopping Center (former home of A&N and A&P), this strategically placed structure gave P-Town kiddies the opportunity to sit on St. Nick's lap and present him their Christmas lists for nearly 50 years. My mom waited for hours to see Santa in 1958 and remembered children crying due to the freezing temperatures. She asked for a bicycle. It has yet to be proven that James Holley visited the house and requested another mayoral term. He sure didn't want vast improvements for the city, as Kringle's pad is still locked in a pocket of arguably the most ghetto-centric section in Tidewater.
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