RISTICUFFS

My brother Brian might have seen Cal's last game (he called me from his Camden Yards seat, supposedly), but the boy ain't got nuthin' on me, for I saw Robbie Rist play guitar on that same Saturday (10-06-01).

In case you're not a fan of '70s TV (and in that case, I'm glad I don't know ya), Rist was that Messy Marvin-looking kid with the glasses who appeared on six episodes of "The Brady Bunch." He portrayed the Brady kids' cousin Oliver. Still not saying, "Oh yeah..."? Well, it doesn't matter and neither do you.

Over the past year or so, I've seen "Oliver" on "Jenny Jones" (Wow!!! A Canadian female who's actually attractive!!!), "Queen Latifah" (Please, can I see your Tootsie Roll?), "Entertainment Tonight" (L.A.'s alright, if you like seizure-inducing New Age saxophones), and "Weakest Link" (Who's a few years short of drawing Social Security? Who's a few scripted jokes short of being funny? Don't worry: You ain't gotta humor me. I still luv ya, Anne!!!). Rist (unlike some one-hit-wonderers) is definitely a well-known obscure celebrity (if that makes any sense) who gets around.

Anyhoo, the band he guested with was a Norfolk-area formed outfit called The Mockers (who've been around since the Aye-Tees and are said to be huge in Spain [which I believe, for we Tidewater folk have such shallow tastes and don't celebrate good tunes or The Running of the Bulls, but rather, growl rock and The Running of the Contaminated Water]). Their pleasurable sounds mixed The Beatles with the American jangly pop of Let's Active and the db's (And that ain't a rock hack copying from a press kit or bio cheat sheet talkin' -- that's just me describing what I heard). "Outdoor Cafe" and "Here Come The Lackeys" strongly stood out among the originals, while the lone cover of "Have Love, Will Travel" was given a great re-stylized reading. Towards the end of The Mockers' most excellent set, a late-model four-door (?) with a license plate number invisible to me drove straight through the backyard, causing the multitudes to move quickly out of harm's way. "HOLY FUCKIN' SHIT!!! PUNGO UNDER ATTACK!!!" my friend jOhn A. and I shouted in unison. Oh, sorry...forgot to mention this was The Mockers' CD release party, held at some guy's house in the country part of Va. Beach (Pungo). Far removed from the sand castles, boardwalks, and tourist traps, a whole other world exists in the city's borders. Pungo has pasture land, dirt driveways, and cows that moo. There's horse manure, too.

The opening act was an unsung band from the CITY (or the COUNTRY) of Va. Beach -- Rip Dizzy. These guys just might be The Figgs (who performed at the now-defunct Peppermint Beach Club with Weezer in '94 -- I [jOhn bOy, too] was there, but you probably weren't) of our area, with their updated Elvis Costello/Joe Jackson feel. When I saw them in '97, Rip Dizzy had more of a twitch in their sound (re-workings of "Uncontrollable Urge" and "I Found That Essence Rare" [respectively, Devo and Gang Of Four - ya fool!] brought that jagged edge to the forefront). At the Horizon Tireless Pungo Amphitheater, this year's model was grounded by the armed forces. "Sex And Drugs And Rock And Roll" was a killer up-tempo rocker, and RD's trim-the-fat workout of The Clash's "Magnificent Seven" (as jOhn pointed out, The Clash were a band that could've used some editing throughout their too-long career) demonstrated why Rip Dizzy mattered more for those few minutes. Perhaps inspired by the pre-show jams (Link Wray), they closed with a montage of five or six instrumentals blended together. Faces in the crowd who were dizzied with excitement included Channel 13 News political reporter Mike Gooding. Shortly after Dizzy had given mad props to M.G., jOhn suggested that this Pungo house was shared by Gooding AND Channel 13 News chief meteorologist Jeff Lawson (a too-much-into-his-work sort who loves barometric pressures, but obviously has nothing other than contempt for things like rock 'n' roll). Could it have been Lawson in an upstairs bedroom all this time, trying to catch some winks amidst the music? "Oh shenanigans! I've got a forecast tomorrow!" he might've grumbled under the covers.

Closing thought: On the aforementioned "Weakest Link" show (the Brady special, where Rist was voted off first -- AWWW!!!), Peter (Christopher Knight) didn't know Angus Young was in AC/DC (Cindy [Susan Olsen] scolded him for his absent-mindedness!), yet he eventually won the game for his selected charity. Himself.