Only well-conditioned "athletes" like jOhn A. and myself should make a concerted effort to compete in the "Ironman." Having successfully finished a "swim/bike" event on a brisk evening in 1996 (strong kickers Milo Ackerman and friends with trailing doggy-paddlers Shades Apart and The Suicide Machines at Nawfuck's Riverview Theater, followed by primo pedal-pushers Big Bobby And The Nightcaps and The Halfways inside Vaaa Beeech's best answer to Cee Bee Gee Bee's - Route 44), I was mildly confident that my legs would have just enough limber for the closing 26.2 stage required by this Saturday night. With the registration forms filled out properly and los goggles fitted securely on our faces, jOhn and I dipped into not-so-choppy surf and waited for the starter gun's firing. Three shows, three venues, one night -- would our stamina be greeted with leis in the winner's circle...or would sudden exhaustion camp out in the oxygen tent? Only time from RK Chevrolet's oversized watch would tell...Threatening skies early on suggested postponement, but with the number of entrants exceeding forty already in the ocean, organizers decided against sounding off a cancellation horn. One bleach-haired competitor, who had no doubt lapped enough miles to stroke from Sandbridge to South Africa, grabbed the lead with Kurdt Kobain-on-Em-Tee-Vee's-Unpluggedesque splashes refreshing to our swimmers ears. He took advantage. Why? Because he didn't hang us out to dry. Quickly taking charge of the race, however, were The Heavy Sleepers. By creating an unforeseen whirlpool of four twisting tunes which may turn up on their out-next-March full-length, The 'Sleepers had me planning my 2003 training schedule during the culmination of Oh-Two's. More familiar to my regimen were pleasing plunges such as "House on the Hill" (My halo was worn too low, but a bathing cap made sure that it didn't show), "Mae" (There were clues all around; I finally found the angel who nearly drowned) and "Almost Always" (A certain kind of anger pervaded me, as I swam in the opposite direction for one-third of the course's length). INXS' "Never Tear Us Apart" was smoothly glided through the Atlantic like Aussie Ian Thorpe in Sydney's Olympic-sized chlorinated tub. After a couple more saltwater surges, The 'Sleepers were first to the bike racks. Demonstrating the grace of past victors Frank Black, Evan Dando and J. Mascis, they were most appreciative of the spectators' applause and shook many hands before exiting into the changing room.
When jOhn and I reached the shore, the water was sweet yellow and we were completely drained. Two disciplines remaining...would we avoid biting the poison apple?
Is that a Milo bobblehead?
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