Grizzly Man (Lions Gate, 2005)

The life and times of Dan Haggerty? Wrong dude, wrong decade. Had Kurt Cobain undergone detox, taken swimming lessons at the YMCA, and lived to the ripe old age of 46, he might've turned out like the loopy outdoorsman Timothy Treadwell. Uncomfortable in mainstream society, the subject spent his last thirteen summer vacations amongst grizzly bears in the wilds of Alaska. Besides escaping, Treadwell's reasons for doing so were to protect the animals and educate the public on the "misunderstood" creatures. Visits with youngsters and David Letterman proved informative and entertaining. In October 2003, after completing another successful expedition, Treadwell and an airline worker had a lengthy dispute over a ticket. His method for coping was a return to the sanctuary of the bears. Unfortunately, familiar friends such as "Mr. Chocolate" and "Wendy" had gone into hibernation and were replaced by nastier grizzles. One 28-year-old specimen, identified as "Bear 141," was later blamed for the horrific deaths of Treadwell and his girlfriend (who'd accompanied him on the last two trips). Events leading up to the naturalist's final hours form the basis of the documentary. Director Werner Herzog offers narration and personal insights, but the story is largely told via Treadwell's own lens. Even though restrictions state that a distance of 100 yards should be kept between him and the bears, the lawbreaker caresses their faces and bathes with them. Treadwell regards his unnatural environment as Utopian, until he sees the results of cannibalistic slaughter through a grizzly cub's skull. Male bears sometimes murder their young, so that lactating females can ready themselves for fornication once again. Unbalance also extends itself to Treadwell. During the midst of a drought, he recites a prayer to a "Hindu-Buddha floaty thing" in order to "MAKE IT FUCKING RAIN!" On the move, Treadwell laments his luck with the ladies, makes references to his sexual prowess, and comments how much easier life would be if he were gay. Later, he detonates dozens of F-bombs toward the accommodating park service, claiming that not enough is being done to shelter the bears from harm. When Herzog speaks with Treadwell's parents, we learn their child long ago changed his surname to its current handle for "entertainment purposes." Dad knows Timothy appeared on Love Connection and believes his son finished runner-up for the "Woody" role on Cheers. Treadwell was never the same after the turndown, according to the father. Damn you, Charles, Charles, and Burrows.