THE ALLEN DAVIS FILES

Hey there! Allen Davis is back from an extended vacation in Georgetown, Guyana. Why there, you ask? Because it's the home of crossover reggae musician Eddy Grant. I had to inform him the-powers-that-be (Planet Music) had reduced every title in his catalog to $1.99. He's under the impression that Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner (stars of the movie "Romancing The Stone," for which Grant composed the title cut and had a bit part as a juju man) are out for revenge.

Back in 1985, Grant sued the Irish government for using the "Romancing The Stone" theme as a tourism piece for the famous Blarney Stone. The three-year delay of the trial put a freeze on all royalties from the film. This caused great hardship for Douglas and Turner. In the now-infamous interview with "Entertainment Tonight" host Mary Hart (a Grant advocate), Turner exclaimed, "You coma-inducing voiced bitch! How dare you believe a juju man's word over mine!" Douglas took his anger out on the bottle, and this behavior lasted until reuniting with Turner in "The War Of The Roses." In March 1988, before the Irish high constable, Mr. Grant agreed to a settlement of: 1)666 bars of Irish Spring deodorant soap, 2)a complete discography of The Pogues, and 3)an audience with Lucky The Leprechaun (aka in Guyana -- "The Lucky Charms Cereal Mon").

Even though Grant has since lived a tranquil African lifestyle with wife Mosheika, Grant questions the motives of current Planet Music pitchwoman Turner. "She out get the juju mon. Why can't be water under bridge, mon? Why, mon?" he asked. There may be more impending legal troubles. Johnnie Cochran recently called Grant to let him know that Montgomery Ward has been using "Electric Avenue" for years without his permission. It will be interesting to see if the case is tried by "a jury of the peers." "If need be, then we'll take it higher," Cochran said.

This legal mumbo-jumbo is making me all angry and shit, so let me get a little reflective for you guys. Here's a tribute to my dead father. His name was Paul Davis.

In 1982, my dad recorded the biggest-selling single in America, yet suffered from an identity crisis that led to two botched suicide attempts. At his own record-release party, many of the guests did not know who Mr. Davis was. When told he's the guy who sings "'65 Love Affair," the procession encircled Paul and chanted, "Doo wop ditty wop ditty wop doo." This seven-word phrase would influence the entire career of "The Biggest Penis In Rock 'N' Roll," aka Huey Lewis. Taking much from my dad's attitude towards music ('50s references in songs about the '60s, heavily polished sound = good rock 'n' roll, etc.), Mr. Lewis had great success with songs like "The Heart Of Rock 'N' Roll," to name one. Rolling Stone wrote, "Paul Davis' influence on Huey Lewis' music is so thick, Mr. Davis should demand half of the royalties straight off."

Mr. Lewis was certainly no stranger to mimicking other people's sound. Ray Parker Jr. sued him for $50,000,000, because the music in "I Want A New Drug" had replicated Parker's "Ghostbusters." (Parker said he'd written that song in 1980) The case was settled out of court, but Lewis' thievery continued. While in San Francisco laying down tracks for Paul Davis' Greatest Hits, my father saw Huey on a Chinatown street corner playing the harmonica. Instead of dropping change into Lewis' cup, Mr. Davis invited him to a sports bar for a few drinks. After polishing off a case of Anchor Steam Liberty Ale, the rights to "'65 Love Affair" somehow exchanged hands. This was the reason why my father's "Greatest Hit" didn't appear on his own retrospective. Amid the difficulties surrounding this matter, Mr. Davis released a tremendous single, "I Go Crazy." (whose lyrics are aimed at Huey Lewis, "I go crazy/When I look in your eyes") Lewis, being the asshole that he is, continues to perform this song at shitty festivals all over the country.

Shortly before my father's death of natural causes at age forty-one, Huey Lewis' new song, "Hip To Be Square," began to receive minor airplay on contemporary-rock radio. In typical Paul Davis fashion, my father had this comment for Lewis: "I didn't know a square was shaped like a dick."

I miss you, dad.